1. She is a Kenyan
2. She is a girl
3. Last year she celebrated Christmas before 26th of December
5. Her full names are officially written on her ID
6. She is not Indian
7. She does not own a car that is not hers
8. She has never seen the first president of Kenya
9. She likes to drink
10. She did not go to kindergarten
Celebrities don’t like bloggers. They think bloggers are blood thirsty piranhas that have been under water rocks for long who spot a small beautiful fish and feast on it. I don’t like them too but for completely different reasons. Well, my list up there is one of them. Bros click such links expecting to find juicy photos and videos or stories that will make our day. However, what we find on those links is actually worse gossip than my list! In fact that number 4 that they insist is going to shock us, is never there. Think am lying? Check my list again. Go on re-read it first….See, no number four!
Each time we click a link we are met by eye catchy headlines like, ‘ Timmy T Dat Proposes to Avril’ but when we read the story it’s something like,’ Yesterday Kenyan rapper proposed to do a song with Avril in the near future.’ Some of these titles almost crash the bloggers’ websites as bros flock to tap the links. A title like, ‘Noti Flow stirs the internet after posting a photo with nothing on (Photos) ‘ will get us to ‘okoa bundles’ and redeeming all our ‘bonga’ points just to get enough data to view the pictures. ‘Noti Flow on Instagram, posted a pic with nothing on top of her tailor made suit,’ it will read. By the time we realise that we have been duped, safaricom is sending us texts that our okoa balance should be paid!
Now I understand that bloggers need hits to earn revenue. I for once could have written a more direct heading. Knowing you, yes you, you would have probably hit the back icon on your browser. To get visits, bloggers have to be tactical. They don’t have to give you the whole story at once. You need to come back later to continue reading adverts on their sites. That is why today ‘Akothee will have a house’ but tomorrow we will find out that they did not mean a house but a house party. ‘Akothee will have a house party.’
One of the main reasons why we, celebrities, don’t like bloggers is the fact that they lie. Now we understand when you lie about our relationships, upcoming events and businesses; but why lie about our bodies? I mean, I clearly know that I have not bleached my skin, Vera knows she is not pregnant and am sure Diamond has not had any cosmetic surgery. And if he has, why say it was in China while he knows it was in Germany?
The only articles that bloggers get right are the ones on upcoming nudists…I mean socialites. Now that, gives reason for bros to watch your forced ad without complaining. Actually, not only bros will read that but girls too. Their reason, to check if their pictures have been posted. I mean most ‘socialites’ we know have risen to fame through the help of bloggers. If it were not for bloggers who were bold enough to share photos of them naked, they would still be struggling with Facebook timelines. So, bros next time you raise a glass of whatever you drink, cheers it to bloggers.