The Mpesa Chiqs – Bro Zone

Did you know? That when you Mpesa a girl some cash for transport to come over but she decides not to come over and does not refund the money…you can refer to Section 492 (I) of the Criminal Procedure Act & file a case of theft under false pretence, and she can be jailed for up to 7 years imprisonment or pay a fine of 100,000 shillings.

Well I did not know as well. I wish such a law really existed as it would save the country a lot of money that would otherwise have been injected to the growth of sports through various betting companies. Seriously speaking if I was given a shilling each time girls ask me to make ‘safaricom mpesa’ messages appear on their screens, I would have bought 20% shares of the telecommunication company itself.

I mean, nowadays girls ask you for your number and dare give them a number that does not use mpesa you are mos def heading for the ‘unknown zone.’ Please note that this zone is completely different from the renowned friend zone. Unlike the friend zone, a guy will automatically jump off this one, once the girl has bought herself an Airtel Money line or Telkom line. The key thing to point out here is the sending process. You send you are off. You don’t send you are back in.

Now, figuring you met her one month ago, before that another guy had met her a month ago too, and so on. Calculating the intervals and the probability of you not being the only one… I can, factually unsure, conclude that there are about ten dudes who perform the same function as you. So if all of you take home a gross salary of 10,000 shillings each month. Your common denominator (the girl who is shared here) also takes home a salary of 5k.

Each month you all send her only 1000 shilling which might seem little to you at the time. So let’s do some maths, 1000 times 10 = 10,000, which is the same amount as your salary. Add that to her salary and you wonder how the hell she got that iPhone?!

Every time we blame our grandparents for spoiling our girls by sponsoring their education and lifestyles while it’s actually us spoiling their mentality. A time has come where girls too have to mpesa guys. Long gone are the days when, men were taken to be Bluetooth devices. When you are near she is pairing but when you are far she is searching for other devices. But even when paired you will have to send files to her only when your connection is strong. Then the connection was mono, never stereo. One way, like the SGR. You send and sent and send but never receive. When you did receive, it was once in a while. When she needed you to send later.

It is time we teach our sisters the way of independence. That they should work hard to earn their own money than wait for a certain bro to provide everything like they are chicken. The mentality that they won’t save money, they won’t open that business, they won’t look for work or they won’t attend school just because they hope to find a rich boyfriend is not only sickening but also stupid and shows just how lazy they are. I advise bro’s to never enter into a serious…enhe…thing with any sister who show the mentioned symptoms. Once we stop providing what these sisters are used to, they will be left behind for older better providing…did I say old…yeah?.. Ok if didn’t…very old, men. The only good thing these girls are good at is twerking on Snapchat and taking pictures of food.

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